I am taking a practice USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Exam) Step 1 exam tomorrow morning. The score I get tomorrow will give me an idea of which subjects hold my strengths and weaknesses. It will also tell me what score I would get if I took the real test tomorrow. It’s scary because I haven’t started studying yet (not in the hard core way). Our education specialist at school says to expect a low score since we haven’t really prepared yet. This is supposed to help us gauge where to spend the most time on our studying. I start my hard-core, 10-hour-per-day study schedule on May 5. I take the real exam on June 5.
Anyhow, I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t do well. I don’t know what kind of doctor I want to be, but the score I get on the exam will make a huge impact on my chances of getting into something competitive. I’m scared that I will get tired and have a difficult time adhering to my iron clad schedule – which would be disasterous. I’m also scared that I won’t be a good doctor. Each thing I don’t know on this exam is information that might save someone’s life. Of course, there will also be plenty of obscure things that I may never see. One never knows what’s coming around the bend…
I’m looking for strength. I’m looking for peace. I’m looking for confidence. I’m looking for memory.
I’m looking at an uncertain future.
It is scary, but exciting too.